"Play ball", he told me. Nevermind that it was 12 midnight and I still need to be awake. Nevermind that it was my 30th birthday and I still need to work the next day. Nevermind - because at that brief moment in time, I saw the Titan in him.

He was the Past President of the Philippine Medical Association, the past president of the Philippine Academy of Family Physicians, and a whole list of Past Presidents.
He is an icon. A symbol of something I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate.

I dare not mention his name of course, as if by mere utterance implies a sort of sacriledge, as what he is, is really beyond words and beyond names.

So how did I meet such an icon?

It was of course a rainy afternoon like all interesting encounters. Accompanied by a friend for a medical mission, I never knew one day this icon would teach me ambition, politics and how to deal with the higher echelons of society.

He told me of his life and his struggle. He told me of his family and of an unrequited love of a woman he followed all the way to Bacolod only to find another love in return. A love that now seems to challenge time and, with the onset of early Alzheimer's, even memory.

He told me of how he built an institution that still bears his influence. And how he defined what it meant to be legendary.

But more than the prestige and the awards, he also taught me compassion for the poorest of the poor.

"Play ball", he told me. So that in the end, you can help those whose hearts have been broken and those whose lives have been ruined by the cold whims of fate.

Keep only what is worth keeping,
and forget what needs to be forgotten
Or so she said.

Remember. Forget.
Keep. Throw away.
Hold on. Let go.
Just like cutting weeds in the summer rain

But beware of memories for they can be tricky.
Or so she warned me.

Of course, Patricia was always concrete with her lessons to me
Being an engineer of sorts
Trained to build structures and systems
rather than feelings and emotions

Stop chasing old friendships. Nameless Lovers. Faded photographs.
Faces and places that was once important to you.
It is necessary you see -
to close doors so you can open new ones.
to close chapters so you can start another
she reminded me over and over
among the bright and blinding lights of UST campus.

And it was only when she left, I realized
that I wanted to spend my whole life with her.
That I wanted to spend an eternity with the time - keeper's daughter.

Then again eternity was never a problem with the one -
who watches over the seasons
who watches over the ever changing tide of men

who knew how wild a passionate kiss can be -
and how it can dissipate like smoke
like water
like dust

So I simply made an oath with the stars that night,
with the flickering candles and the summer rain -
to wait for patricia - my patricia
wait until her heart is ready
wait even when time and season
and the tides of men
no longer exists -

Hoping that when the all these wretchedness ceases,
I will be worthy of your love.

It was the worst headache of his life.

And he came to me in a dazzling display of pain, anguish and uncontrollable rage. Like the travesty of losing your own mind, the travesty of having an unstoppable bleed moving through the crevices of your brain is enough to make anybody seem crazy.

It was 7pm and as I was going to my usual rounds at the ambulatory care in the Philippine General Hospital when I met him. A 75 year old male who has been drinking for sometime when it happened: a headache so profound he seemed like he was losing his mind, described of course perfectly by Adams textbook as "the worst headache of his life".

So I stood looking at him trying to dissect him, identify the other symptoms and enumerate the differentials, browsing through what I learned in neurology, anesthesia and psychiatry when it hit me - it was subarachnoid hemmorhage at its most profound presentation.

I was lucky, I thought at first. Not all physicians will be able to see what I just witnessed. Recognizing the symptom before the diagnostics and the laboratories.

CT Scan confirmed finding of a subarachnoid hemmorhage probably from the tip of the basilar artery to explain the massive involvement.

Nice, I thought. Then halfway through transfering the patient and following him up at the Neurosurgery ICU, I remembered the epiphanies, the lessons and all the other whatnot's that made me want to become a physician.

For before the oaths and the unbearable responsibility, I wanted to become a physician because I wanted to alleviate pain and suffering.

Referred to ACU, Neurosurgery. Scheduled for aneurysmal clipping.

And hopefully with this small token, I would have done my share in alleviating his unbearable and indescribable experience.