I do not know if it was her eyes.
Or the gentle interlude of her lonely love songs.
But I loved her the first time I ever saw her -

The time keeper's daughter. The Engineer of SOrts.
The beautiful princess of the moon.

I have searched far and wide for my princess
Like the old kings of Bethlehem -
Charting the stars and planets. Deciphering -
even the sacred manuscripts of Enheduanna

Hoping to discover the reason for this silly EnChanTmeNt

I cannot forget my princess of the moon
Try as I may
Like a last song syndrome -
Or a bad case of Tooth Decay

And I even with Disease and Danger -
I will still brave the cold whims of fate just to be with her

For she is my past, my present
and my ever changing dream

I may never understand why I feel this way
for her - the last princess of the moon
Unlike her sisters Luna and Selene,
or my other demented addictions -

All I know is that I will never love anyone more than I loved her.

The government has ordered preneed firm Prudentialife Plans to suspend payment on all claims but continue payments for some terminated plans as it awaits action from the Insurance Commission (IC) on its proposal for relief and rehabilitation.

At the same time, Philippine Prudential Life Insurance Corp. was quick to clarify that it is not the company that is in financial trouble.

- From INQUIRER

In a way it is correct in that it is the pre - need company that is in trouble.

But are they kidding me?

Since Last September 2010, the company has already been stripped by the Securities and Exchange Commission and was not allowed to sell new plans. And with this action, we have to ask who is at fault here?

Is it the plan holder for not knowing? Is it the Portfolio Managers who are too irresponsible in playing with other people's retirement account. Or the Company for their lack of Management Knowledge?

Its everybody's fault. The 2010 disclosure should have already been a warning sign for the plan holders to bail out. The SEC should likewise identify these portfolio managers, their credentials and investment strategies. Where did they invest the retirement and educational account of these policy holders?

The CEO should likewise be held liable for this sheer disregard of peoples money. Mismanagement cannot be tolerated.

Herein lies the dilemma as I firmly believe that we should not be fast in blaming the government. In fact we should help the government in pursuing these cases. There should be Administrative and Criminal Complaints filed to those responsible. A wake up call to the SEC if we want to be globally competitive. We ought to purge the ranks of the Philippine Capital Markets.

For it is only through constant vigilance that we can make our Capital Market worthy of investing.

I find it odd that there was no write up with regards to the conservatorship and corporate rehabilitation of Prudential Life.

Being a licensed Insurance agent, I know that this is a sign of horrible things to come. Conservatorship is short for a mismanaged portfolio.

Who are the portfolio managers?

Let's wait and find out.

The First lesson we learned from Anatomy back in Medical School was to respect the dead. Dr. Decano would tell us not to flunk his examinations, however hard it was, as a way of thanking the cadavers for donating their bodies to science, so that we can at least help the living.

It is ironic that we were suppose to learn our humanity from dead.

I expected the same from our leaders. Then again in the face of this senseless tragedy, our Mayor decided to dump the cadavers in a garbage pit. Apparently, he was thinking of Infectious Diseases. Apparently, he was not aware, that infectious diseases are mostly parasites, feeding on host cells and DYING when the host Dies. Apparently, he was not aware that viruses are crystalline structures when seen outside its host cell. Apparently he was not aware that it is the living who transmit the disease and not the dead. Apparently he did not consider the mass option burial that the Mayor of Iligan City espoused. Apparently.

Apparently, I do not want to be like them.
That is why I organize medical missions without political, religious and social underpinnings. Don't get me wrong because I do have my share of trysts and machinations. I have hurt people and have been hurt by people. But in the face of all these disenchantment, I'd like to be in the side of those who heal rather than those who destroy.

I would like to be in the side of those who seek understanding rather than those bounded by fear.

I would like to be in the company of people who believe that human dignity is worth more than gold, religious fanaticism or the wealth of nations.

In behalf of the victims of Tibasak, Macasandig, my thanks to the donors and countless volunteers who have in time and again gave their souls and humanity so that the rest of us can have a chance at life.

This is my ode to the volunteers, to Tibasak, to my childhood place who has given me so much of my life and asked only that I remember her.

There is no story here. Only angst.
The destruction bought about by Sendong has left me speechless at the cruelty of life.
People are starting to compare us with Haiti. There are decomposing bodies everywhere.

On the other side of the planet, the President is having a party.
Manny Pacquiao just had his boat blessed.
Kris Aquino tells us that even if bad things are happening and many are sad,
Life should go on.
Our own Mayor Emano ordered the cadavers be placed in a dump site meant for garbage.
The big time loggers and the mining industry just celebrated an increase in their profits.

Apparently, there is a disconnect with reality.
Apparently, the book value of a human being is equivalent only to how much he earns or does.


I am not angry at Kris, or the President or Emano. At least not anymore. I mean how can I be?
They have the money to help us. They control the United Nations Relief Goods.

We are after all just another of their charity cases.
A population desperate for food, shelter and dignity.

Things which, as far as I can remember, are inscribed in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

I am however sad.
Sad because I expected extraordinary things from them.
They were suppose to be extraordinary people.
Like Brangelina and Oprah

They were suppose to see us -
In a vast array of decomposing carcass.

When I listen to politicians discuss about what is wrong with the country, they all have something bad to say against the Philippine government. There is crime, dictatorship, corruption and a whole host of evil deeds, but the worst crime we can do to one another is neither corruption nor greed, it is APATHY.

For a few days now, our house in Macasandig, Cagayan de oro has laid in shambles due to the storm that ravaged our town. Everyone in our family is alive thank GOD and I am grateful that it was only property that was destroyed. Property after all, can be bought back, lives cannot.

There's a flood of emotions that I feel right now. I am angry.
Angry at Mayor Emano for placing those who died in the storm in a garbage dump like they were an eyesore.
Angry at the President for having a party while we suffered.
Angry at the illegal loggers and mining industry who destroyed our sanctuary.
But more importantly,
I am angry at myself for allowing these things to happen.

There is a lesson here. Or so I'd like to think.
You see when people see you suffer and yet pretend to not see you, it is an abomination.

When people see you as another body in a vast statistics is it reprehensible beyond compare, because now, it becomes a crime not against the state or the church but against our common humanity.

Never forget our humanity.

Chocolates and other addictions now available at www.centralbooks.com.ph

It is almost over, she reminded me.
And soon I know I will have to return the sword I borrowed.
I will have to return the memories that made this life beautiful.
And let go of things - of friends and lovers that came my way.

In the legendary lake of course.
In the legendary mists of Avalon.

I want to say that was worth it -
That I learned a lot.
That I have changed the word.
In my little way.

By writing about these obsessions -
These dark and alluring addictions

But I am lost
I feel I am alone again
without friends to comfort me
without my family knowing -
the struggle I have endured.

All for the sake of finding the truth -
The Holy grail.
The Camelot I once dreamed of.
The dark cherub, the Vanessa, I wanted to possess.

So I took one last look
at this piece of metal -
A bit rusty I guess, from all the fighting and the killing.

Only to release it. Gently to the lady of the lake
Hoping she'll find a much better master
Hoping she'll find a more worthier master

than a sad and bitter lover who still dreams of holding his dark cherub one day
in those ice cream castles in the air.

I'm starting to realize my mortality recently. I figured since I only have a few more years to live, I'm going to have a bucket list. And I'm actually encouraging everyone to do the same.

SO here it goes

1. Go to New York City and eat a subway sandwich in the subway.
2. Eat pancake in a bonafide and all American diner.
3. Travel to Paris and see the eiffel tower.
4. Make out and sleep with a print ad model
5. Meet Lea Salonga
6. Start a foundation
7. Start a multi-billion dollar business that is good for the environment
8. Go to Orlando Florida and enjoy universal studios
9. Publish 3 books
10. Meet Oprah
11. Publish a magazine
12. Be with the love of my life in San Francisco
13. Visit the Eternal City of ROME
14. Drive my own car
15. Visit the Our Lady of Lourdes shrine
16. make a hospital dedicated to infectious diseases
17. Sleep in the most comfortable bed in the world
18. Visit Nova Scotia
19. Watch a play in broadway
20. Buy my own condo in New york city


I couldn't think of anything more. Although I have to add later. Thanks for reading guys. By the way, my book is on its way only 350 pesos and the title is chocolate and other addictions available at centralbooks.ph. It's a great buy for the inner stalker in each and everyone of us.

"Play ball", he told me. Nevermind that it was 12 midnight and I still need to be awake. Nevermind that it was my 30th birthday and I still need to work the next day. Nevermind - because at that brief moment in time, I saw the Titan in him.

He was the Past President of the Philippine Medical Association, the past president of the Philippine Academy of Family Physicians, and a whole list of Past Presidents.
He is an icon. A symbol of something I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate.

I dare not mention his name of course, as if by mere utterance implies a sort of sacriledge, as what he is, is really beyond words and beyond names.

So how did I meet such an icon?

It was of course a rainy afternoon like all interesting encounters. Accompanied by a friend for a medical mission, I never knew one day this icon would teach me ambition, politics and how to deal with the higher echelons of society.

He told me of his life and his struggle. He told me of his family and of an unrequited love of a woman he followed all the way to Bacolod only to find another love in return. A love that now seems to challenge time and, with the onset of early Alzheimer's, even memory.

He told me of how he built an institution that still bears his influence. And how he defined what it meant to be legendary.

But more than the prestige and the awards, he also taught me compassion for the poorest of the poor.

"Play ball", he told me. So that in the end, you can help those whose hearts have been broken and those whose lives have been ruined by the cold whims of fate.

Keep only what is worth keeping,
and forget what needs to be forgotten
Or so she said.

Remember. Forget.
Keep. Throw away.
Hold on. Let go.
Just like cutting weeds in the summer rain

But beware of memories for they can be tricky.
Or so she warned me.

Of course, Patricia was always concrete with her lessons to me
Being an engineer of sorts
Trained to build structures and systems
rather than feelings and emotions

Stop chasing old friendships. Nameless Lovers. Faded photographs.
Faces and places that was once important to you.
It is necessary you see -
to close doors so you can open new ones.
to close chapters so you can start another
she reminded me over and over
among the bright and blinding lights of UST campus.

And it was only when she left, I realized
that I wanted to spend my whole life with her.
That I wanted to spend an eternity with the time - keeper's daughter.

Then again eternity was never a problem with the one -
who watches over the seasons
who watches over the ever changing tide of men

who knew how wild a passionate kiss can be -
and how it can dissipate like smoke
like water
like dust

So I simply made an oath with the stars that night,
with the flickering candles and the summer rain -
to wait for patricia - my patricia
wait until her heart is ready
wait even when time and season
and the tides of men
no longer exists -

Hoping that when the all these wretchedness ceases,
I will be worthy of your love.

It was the worst headache of his life.

And he came to me in a dazzling display of pain, anguish and uncontrollable rage. Like the travesty of losing your own mind, the travesty of having an unstoppable bleed moving through the crevices of your brain is enough to make anybody seem crazy.

It was 7pm and as I was going to my usual rounds at the ambulatory care in the Philippine General Hospital when I met him. A 75 year old male who has been drinking for sometime when it happened: a headache so profound he seemed like he was losing his mind, described of course perfectly by Adams textbook as "the worst headache of his life".

So I stood looking at him trying to dissect him, identify the other symptoms and enumerate the differentials, browsing through what I learned in neurology, anesthesia and psychiatry when it hit me - it was subarachnoid hemmorhage at its most profound presentation.

I was lucky, I thought at first. Not all physicians will be able to see what I just witnessed. Recognizing the symptom before the diagnostics and the laboratories.

CT Scan confirmed finding of a subarachnoid hemmorhage probably from the tip of the basilar artery to explain the massive involvement.

Nice, I thought. Then halfway through transfering the patient and following him up at the Neurosurgery ICU, I remembered the epiphanies, the lessons and all the other whatnot's that made me want to become a physician.

For before the oaths and the unbearable responsibility, I wanted to become a physician because I wanted to alleviate pain and suffering.

Referred to ACU, Neurosurgery. Scheduled for aneurysmal clipping.

And hopefully with this small token, I would have done my share in alleviating his unbearable and indescribable experience.

She taught me real estate when I was young and naive
When I was lost, she told me of Engr. Cruz's review classes
From then on, I became a broker, a realtor, and so much more

She showed me the Mirror of the past, present and future
And warned me -
that it was treacherous to shape ones actions according to the mirror
In the sacred halls of UST Hospital of course,
In the sacred halls of Lothlórien.

All these she showed me even the scars on her body
Living testament to her part in the great battle of Middle - Earth.

So it is only fitting that I write an ode for her
Before she leaves for America -
Before she leaves for Valinor.

Greatest Lady of Ñoldor, know that you are, and will always be,
my constant star.
I will love you and hold your hand
Even when the moon no longer shines
Or this wretched body withers like all mortal men.

It may have been an accident when I met you that night in SM Megamall
On my way to the treacherous Mount Doom
Then again, you of all people taught me that there are no accidents in life -

Only magic. Only hope. Only love.

It was the morning after the devastation of Typhoon Undoy. What seemed to be a beautiful day turned out to be a nightmare for most of the residents in Metro Manila. And since I was spared, I felt it was my duty to help at least in among those whose lives have been ruined.

Survivor. I like that word. You see a few weeks ago I was also invited by ABS CBN to help the survivors of the Superferry Tragedy. In the wake of an even greater disaster, we are left with wondering why these things are happening. We have been, afterall, good followers of the faith.

How then could a God be so cruel to make us suffer just so he can claim he has dominion over all life? It is a God only the zealots can understand.

Of course to the intellectuals we can blame it on so many others things. Things like Climate Change, Global Warming, or even the sheer stupidity of opening those dams when the rain was at its peak.

Then again, when faced with an overwhelming tragedy, when lives and properties are lost, it is only human nature to seek consolation that there is a greater meaning in everything that is happening to us.

When I went to Krus na Ligas to volunteer for the medical/dental mission after the typhoon, I came armed with knowledge on Disaster Coordination, Infectious Diseases, Biblical passages and yes, even Post traumatic Stress Syndrome. Then I met Anna, the girl in the photograph who told me about her ordeal and realized that in the end, words are all we really have.

There was once a place where legendary martyrs of the Philippines used to describe as beautiful and inspiring. There was once a place where Filipino poets and painters watch in awe as the proverbial bangka passes by ferrying commuters from Laguna de Bay towards Manila Bay.

That is all a memory now.

In a medical mission last August 1, 2009 in Mabunga Pasig, I was honored to see for the first time the historic Pasig River. Robbed of its former glory and with the dreadful stench of feces and urine, I can't help but wonder how we virtually abused this once beautiful river.

Global Warming. Overpopulation. We really made a mess of this world.

And just when you thought all hope is extinguished, comes the romantics. Described by some as desperate as the river itself, they believe that things can and do change. They believe that there is still time for regaining the former glory that was once the Pasig River. They believe that by taking care of our environment and our fellowmen, we can ensure a better world for our children.

And so goes my tribute to them. My ode to the romantics.

To the Live for Others Movement of Mabuga Pasig - the women who work desperately and tirelessly day in and day out to care and live for others. May you continually be blessed and may you never lose that spark that makes you all so endearing and inspiring.

And to nameless others who continually fight for our earth.

I have a confession to make, she told me. And with those simple words, she caught my attention.

My name is Nancy and I am a Breast Cancer Survivor.

In a medical mission in Tambo, Paranaque last May 24 2009, a 65 year old woman came up to me complaining of numbness on her right and left hands. With a history of breast cancer status post radiation therapy, status post surgery, before I could even speak, she told me up front that whatever tests I was going to order for her she will not be able to afford it. She had no money.

Discussion closed.

So I told her a bunch of technical stuffs like recurrence, Batson's plexus, and statistics to scare her until halfway I realized, how pathetic I was.

This is human being who told me she just survived something horrific in her life. Someone who just went through hell and somehow among all the physicians in that room, she wanted to share her story with me.

So I stopped talking and started listening. Intently. About how difficult it was without money even in the Philippine General Hospital. About how the 4 other women she was in the same room with in PGH eventually fell to the disease.

I listened as she told me how she was transformed by the grace of God and how she was willing to serve him until the end.

It was at that moment amidst the noise, the confusion and the squalor that pervades all medical missions that I realized, I had a lot to be thankful for.

There is a lesson we can learn in the recent fiasco involving Dr. Hayden Kho and Katrina Halili that speaks to all of us.

Lessons like looks can be deceiving. Never trust anyone and when all things fail, there is always a sunshine after every storm. Or a good PR.

What I find appalling though was the swine flu epidemic suddenly lost momentum after the sex scandal. I mean who cares about schools being closed when where is a scandal? Sex always tops the bill when it comes to making headlines.

Being a physician myself, I could not understand how a fellow physician could actually tape himself knowing that the truth, especially when there is evidence, always comes out in the end.

We all have our share of "wild days" that's true. I mean, hell I have more than my fair share. We are only human of course. What is an abomination though is when we use our "wild days excuse" to destroy another human being. We could argue of course that katrina wanted it. I mean look at her in the video. What however we sometimes forget is that there is always the element of "consent" that should always be respected.

Just like in the crime of rape.

I support Katrina Halili and her efforts to stand for herself. Of countless women who have in time and again committed mistakes and yet were willing to stand in the fire.

As for my colleague, I hope that you'll understand the gravity of the situation.

I have always been a volunteer ever since my medical school days up to now especially with AMDA and AMMS. Call it atonement since I cringe every time I hear the word charity being misused of course many many times. And I guess what I learned from my experience especially in meeting selfless people like Dr. Fe Del Mundo and Dr. Primy Chua is that there still are physicians, in the defense of my profession, who never let the title of a physician get into their heads. Who, no matter how impoverished treat people with respect.

This is what the oath of Hippocrates was meant for.

Yes. I said yes for the first time to an out of town medical activity for 3 days in a province I have never been with a group of people I have never met.

I do have a friend who lives in bataan though but I guess that doesn't really count. Anyway bataan is a province subdivided into 11 municipalities with its own history of anguish, terror and Death Marches. No wonder some of the medical technologists who stayed with us kept insisting on seeing the ghost of a white lady while we were there.

Of course I never was the type to believe in something supernatural. Although I have to admit there is something rather eerie about the place, I didn't get the ghost vibe. Still there is sadness in that place. A sadness so deep I cannot even begin to fathom it. So I eventually decided to take it slow and simply enjoy as this soft orange hue covered the afternoon sky in Balanga.

I watched until the world unfolded, so beautifully, right before my very eyes.

I found something interesting in you tube by jonathan reed...



I am part of a lost generation
And I refused to believe that I can change the world
I realized that this maybe a shock but
"Happiness comes from within"
is a lie, and
money will make me happy
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life.
My employer will know
that I will have my priorities straight
Because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
But this will not be true in my era
this is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about the earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it.

It was 3 years ago when I first encountered a patient with miliary tuberculosis in San Lazaro. And at 54, he was emaciated and almost dying when I met him. Dying with no one, not even a relative to be with.

I never got his name.

Three years later, I saw again another patient but this time he was or should I say is 18. True to its course, tuberculosis afflicts third world country like a plague from all age group.

So there I was, sitting across a crowded Emergency Room when lo and behold, like a beautiful rose, I saw tuberculosis again in the flesh. Something I will never forget.

And so goes the paranoia and the fear. Also something I will never forget. Just like the Meningo scare and all those dreaded infectious diseases. And it was only much much later after wearing two masks and bathing myself with alcohol that I realized I was talking to a person. A real live human being with wants, needs and dreams.

Lucky for this 18 year old guy though I told him, he had a family who can take good care of him. A family who is willing to shoulder the 6 month intensive treatment.

So I write again this ode for the generations after me so that you will never forget the lessons of pathology, microbiology and pharmacology. Be safe. Be paranoid. Be extra careful.

And finally the last most important lesson of all - be kind.

So I took the xray, referred the patient for a sputum exam and started treatment hoping that I would have done justice to that man in San Lazaro.

It is funny though that I never got the name of the person who taught me the most valuable lesson of all.