"Play ball", he told me. Nevermind that it was 12 midnight and I still need to be awake. Nevermind that it was my 30th birthday and I still need to work the next day. Nevermind - because at that brief moment in time, I saw the Titan in him.

He was the Past President of the Philippine Medical Association, the past president of the Philippine Academy of Family Physicians, and a whole list of Past Presidents.
He is an icon. A symbol of something I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate.

I dare not mention his name of course, as if by mere utterance implies a sort of sacriledge, as what he is, is really beyond words and beyond names.

So how did I meet such an icon?

It was of course a rainy afternoon like all interesting encounters. Accompanied by a friend for a medical mission, I never knew one day this icon would teach me ambition, politics and how to deal with the higher echelons of society.

He told me of his life and his struggle. He told me of his family and of an unrequited love of a woman he followed all the way to Bacolod only to find another love in return. A love that now seems to challenge time and, with the onset of early Alzheimer's, even memory.

He told me of how he built an institution that still bears his influence. And how he defined what it meant to be legendary.

But more than the prestige and the awards, he also taught me compassion for the poorest of the poor.

"Play ball", he told me. So that in the end, you can help those whose hearts have been broken and those whose lives have been ruined by the cold whims of fate.

Keep only what is worth keeping,
and forget what needs to be forgotten
Or so she said.

Remember. Forget.
Keep. Throw away.
Hold on. Let go.
Just like cutting weeds in the summer rain

But beware of memories for they can be tricky.
Or so she warned me.

Of course, Patricia was always concrete with her lessons to me
Being an engineer of sorts
Trained to build structures and systems
rather than feelings and emotions

Stop chasing old friendships. Nameless Lovers. Faded photographs.
Faces and places that was once important to you.
It is necessary you see -
to close doors so you can open new ones.
to close chapters so you can start another
she reminded me over and over
among the bright and blinding lights of UST campus.

And it was only when she left, I realized
that I wanted to spend my whole life with her.
That I wanted to spend an eternity with the time - keeper's daughter.

Then again eternity was never a problem with the one -
who watches over the seasons
who watches over the ever changing tide of men

who knew how wild a passionate kiss can be -
and how it can dissipate like smoke
like water
like dust

So I simply made an oath with the stars that night,
with the flickering candles and the summer rain -
to wait for patricia - my patricia
wait until her heart is ready
wait even when time and season
and the tides of men
no longer exists -

Hoping that when the all these wretchedness ceases,
I will be worthy of your love.

It was the worst headache of his life.

And he came to me in a dazzling display of pain, anguish and uncontrollable rage. Like the travesty of losing your own mind, the travesty of having an unstoppable bleed moving through the crevices of your brain is enough to make anybody seem crazy.

It was 7pm and as I was going to my usual rounds at the ambulatory care in the Philippine General Hospital when I met him. A 75 year old male who has been drinking for sometime when it happened: a headache so profound he seemed like he was losing his mind, described of course perfectly by Adams textbook as "the worst headache of his life".

So I stood looking at him trying to dissect him, identify the other symptoms and enumerate the differentials, browsing through what I learned in neurology, anesthesia and psychiatry when it hit me - it was subarachnoid hemmorhage at its most profound presentation.

I was lucky, I thought at first. Not all physicians will be able to see what I just witnessed. Recognizing the symptom before the diagnostics and the laboratories.

CT Scan confirmed finding of a subarachnoid hemmorhage probably from the tip of the basilar artery to explain the massive involvement.

Nice, I thought. Then halfway through transfering the patient and following him up at the Neurosurgery ICU, I remembered the epiphanies, the lessons and all the other whatnot's that made me want to become a physician.

For before the oaths and the unbearable responsibility, I wanted to become a physician because I wanted to alleviate pain and suffering.

Referred to ACU, Neurosurgery. Scheduled for aneurysmal clipping.

And hopefully with this small token, I would have done my share in alleviating his unbearable and indescribable experience.

She taught me real estate when I was young and naive
When I was lost, she told me of Engr. Cruz's review classes
From then on, I became a broker, a realtor, and so much more

She showed me the Mirror of the past, present and future
And warned me -
that it was treacherous to shape ones actions according to the mirror
In the sacred halls of UST Hospital of course,
In the sacred halls of Lothlórien.

All these she showed me even the scars on her body
Living testament to her part in the great battle of Middle - Earth.

So it is only fitting that I write an ode for her
Before she leaves for America -
Before she leaves for Valinor.

Greatest Lady of Ñoldor, know that you are, and will always be,
my constant star.
I will love you and hold your hand
Even when the moon no longer shines
Or this wretched body withers like all mortal men.

It may have been an accident when I met you that night in SM Megamall
On my way to the treacherous Mount Doom
Then again, you of all people taught me that there are no accidents in life -

Only magic. Only hope. Only love.

It was the morning after the devastation of Typhoon Undoy. What seemed to be a beautiful day turned out to be a nightmare for most of the residents in Metro Manila. And since I was spared, I felt it was my duty to help at least in among those whose lives have been ruined.

Survivor. I like that word. You see a few weeks ago I was also invited by ABS CBN to help the survivors of the Superferry Tragedy. In the wake of an even greater disaster, we are left with wondering why these things are happening. We have been, afterall, good followers of the faith.

How then could a God be so cruel to make us suffer just so he can claim he has dominion over all life? It is a God only the zealots can understand.

Of course to the intellectuals we can blame it on so many others things. Things like Climate Change, Global Warming, or even the sheer stupidity of opening those dams when the rain was at its peak.

Then again, when faced with an overwhelming tragedy, when lives and properties are lost, it is only human nature to seek consolation that there is a greater meaning in everything that is happening to us.

When I went to Krus na Ligas to volunteer for the medical/dental mission after the typhoon, I came armed with knowledge on Disaster Coordination, Infectious Diseases, Biblical passages and yes, even Post traumatic Stress Syndrome. Then I met Anna, the girl in the photograph who told me about her ordeal and realized that in the end, words are all we really have.

There was once a place where legendary martyrs of the Philippines used to describe as beautiful and inspiring. There was once a place where Filipino poets and painters watch in awe as the proverbial bangka passes by ferrying commuters from Laguna de Bay towards Manila Bay.

That is all a memory now.

In a medical mission last August 1, 2009 in Mabunga Pasig, I was honored to see for the first time the historic Pasig River. Robbed of its former glory and with the dreadful stench of feces and urine, I can't help but wonder how we virtually abused this once beautiful river.

Global Warming. Overpopulation. We really made a mess of this world.

And just when you thought all hope is extinguished, comes the romantics. Described by some as desperate as the river itself, they believe that things can and do change. They believe that there is still time for regaining the former glory that was once the Pasig River. They believe that by taking care of our environment and our fellowmen, we can ensure a better world for our children.

And so goes my tribute to them. My ode to the romantics.

To the Live for Others Movement of Mabuga Pasig - the women who work desperately and tirelessly day in and day out to care and live for others. May you continually be blessed and may you never lose that spark that makes you all so endearing and inspiring.

And to nameless others who continually fight for our earth.

I have a confession to make, she told me. And with those simple words, she caught my attention.

My name is Nancy and I am a Breast Cancer Survivor.

In a medical mission in Tambo, Paranaque last May 24 2009, a 65 year old woman came up to me complaining of numbness on her right and left hands. With a history of breast cancer status post radiation therapy, status post surgery, before I could even speak, she told me up front that whatever tests I was going to order for her she will not be able to afford it. She had no money.

Discussion closed.

So I told her a bunch of technical stuffs like recurrence, Batson's plexus, and statistics to scare her until halfway I realized, how pathetic I was.

This is human being who told me she just survived something horrific in her life. Someone who just went through hell and somehow among all the physicians in that room, she wanted to share her story with me.

So I stopped talking and started listening. Intently. About how difficult it was without money even in the Philippine General Hospital. About how the 4 other women she was in the same room with in PGH eventually fell to the disease.

I listened as she told me how she was transformed by the grace of God and how she was willing to serve him until the end.

It was at that moment amidst the noise, the confusion and the squalor that pervades all medical missions that I realized, I had a lot to be thankful for.