There is no story here. Only angst.
The destruction bought about by Sendong has left me speechless at the cruelty of life.
People are starting to compare us with Haiti. There are decomposing bodies everywhere.

On the other side of the planet, the President is having a party.
Manny Pacquiao just had his boat blessed.
Kris Aquino tells us that even if bad things are happening and many are sad,
Life should go on.
Our own Mayor Emano ordered the cadavers be placed in a dump site meant for garbage.
The big time loggers and the mining industry just celebrated an increase in their profits.

Apparently, there is a disconnect with reality.
Apparently, the book value of a human being is equivalent only to how much he earns or does.


I am not angry at Kris, or the President or Emano. At least not anymore. I mean how can I be?
They have the money to help us. They control the United Nations Relief Goods.

We are after all just another of their charity cases.
A population desperate for food, shelter and dignity.

Things which, as far as I can remember, are inscribed in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

I am however sad.
Sad because I expected extraordinary things from them.
They were suppose to be extraordinary people.
Like Brangelina and Oprah

They were suppose to see us -
In a vast array of decomposing carcass.

When I listen to politicians discuss about what is wrong with the country, they all have something bad to say against the Philippine government. There is crime, dictatorship, corruption and a whole host of evil deeds, but the worst crime we can do to one another is neither corruption nor greed, it is APATHY.

For a few days now, our house in Macasandig, Cagayan de oro has laid in shambles due to the storm that ravaged our town. Everyone in our family is alive thank GOD and I am grateful that it was only property that was destroyed. Property after all, can be bought back, lives cannot.

There's a flood of emotions that I feel right now. I am angry.
Angry at Mayor Emano for placing those who died in the storm in a garbage dump like they were an eyesore.
Angry at the President for having a party while we suffered.
Angry at the illegal loggers and mining industry who destroyed our sanctuary.
But more importantly,
I am angry at myself for allowing these things to happen.

There is a lesson here. Or so I'd like to think.
You see when people see you suffer and yet pretend to not see you, it is an abomination.

When people see you as another body in a vast statistics is it reprehensible beyond compare, because now, it becomes a crime not against the state or the church but against our common humanity.

Never forget our humanity.

Chocolates and other addictions now available at www.centralbooks.com.ph

It is almost over, she reminded me.
And soon I know I will have to return the sword I borrowed.
I will have to return the memories that made this life beautiful.
And let go of things - of friends and lovers that came my way.

In the legendary lake of course.
In the legendary mists of Avalon.

I want to say that was worth it -
That I learned a lot.
That I have changed the word.
In my little way.

By writing about these obsessions -
These dark and alluring addictions

But I am lost
I feel I am alone again
without friends to comfort me
without my family knowing -
the struggle I have endured.

All for the sake of finding the truth -
The Holy grail.
The Camelot I once dreamed of.
The dark cherub, the Vanessa, I wanted to possess.

So I took one last look
at this piece of metal -
A bit rusty I guess, from all the fighting and the killing.

Only to release it. Gently to the lady of the lake
Hoping she'll find a much better master
Hoping she'll find a more worthier master

than a sad and bitter lover who still dreams of holding his dark cherub one day
in those ice cream castles in the air.

I'm starting to realize my mortality recently. I figured since I only have a few more years to live, I'm going to have a bucket list. And I'm actually encouraging everyone to do the same.

SO here it goes

1. Go to New York City and eat a subway sandwich in the subway.
2. Eat pancake in a bonafide and all American diner.
3. Travel to Paris and see the eiffel tower.
4. Make out and sleep with a print ad model
5. Meet Lea Salonga
6. Start a foundation
7. Start a multi-billion dollar business that is good for the environment
8. Go to Orlando Florida and enjoy universal studios
9. Publish 3 books
10. Meet Oprah
11. Publish a magazine
12. Be with the love of my life in San Francisco
13. Visit the Eternal City of ROME
14. Drive my own car
15. Visit the Our Lady of Lourdes shrine
16. make a hospital dedicated to infectious diseases
17. Sleep in the most comfortable bed in the world
18. Visit Nova Scotia
19. Watch a play in broadway
20. Buy my own condo in New york city


I couldn't think of anything more. Although I have to add later. Thanks for reading guys. By the way, my book is on its way only 350 pesos and the title is chocolate and other addictions available at centralbooks.ph. It's a great buy for the inner stalker in each and everyone of us.

"Play ball", he told me. Nevermind that it was 12 midnight and I still need to be awake. Nevermind that it was my 30th birthday and I still need to work the next day. Nevermind - because at that brief moment in time, I saw the Titan in him.

He was the Past President of the Philippine Medical Association, the past president of the Philippine Academy of Family Physicians, and a whole list of Past Presidents.
He is an icon. A symbol of something I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate.

I dare not mention his name of course, as if by mere utterance implies a sort of sacriledge, as what he is, is really beyond words and beyond names.

So how did I meet such an icon?

It was of course a rainy afternoon like all interesting encounters. Accompanied by a friend for a medical mission, I never knew one day this icon would teach me ambition, politics and how to deal with the higher echelons of society.

He told me of his life and his struggle. He told me of his family and of an unrequited love of a woman he followed all the way to Bacolod only to find another love in return. A love that now seems to challenge time and, with the onset of early Alzheimer's, even memory.

He told me of how he built an institution that still bears his influence. And how he defined what it meant to be legendary.

But more than the prestige and the awards, he also taught me compassion for the poorest of the poor.

"Play ball", he told me. So that in the end, you can help those whose hearts have been broken and those whose lives have been ruined by the cold whims of fate.

Keep only what is worth keeping,
and forget what needs to be forgotten
Or so she said.

Remember. Forget.
Keep. Throw away.
Hold on. Let go.
Just like cutting weeds in the summer rain

But beware of memories for they can be tricky.
Or so she warned me.

Of course, Patricia was always concrete with her lessons to me
Being an engineer of sorts
Trained to build structures and systems
rather than feelings and emotions

Stop chasing old friendships. Nameless Lovers. Faded photographs.
Faces and places that was once important to you.
It is necessary you see -
to close doors so you can open new ones.
to close chapters so you can start another
she reminded me over and over
among the bright and blinding lights of UST campus.

And it was only when she left, I realized
that I wanted to spend my whole life with her.
That I wanted to spend an eternity with the time - keeper's daughter.

Then again eternity was never a problem with the one -
who watches over the seasons
who watches over the ever changing tide of men

who knew how wild a passionate kiss can be -
and how it can dissipate like smoke
like water
like dust

So I simply made an oath with the stars that night,
with the flickering candles and the summer rain -
to wait for patricia - my patricia
wait until her heart is ready
wait even when time and season
and the tides of men
no longer exists -

Hoping that when the all these wretchedness ceases,
I will be worthy of your love.