Keep only what is worth keeping,
and forget what needs to be forgotten
Or so she said.

Remember. Forget.
Keep. Throw away.
Hold on. Let go.
Just like cutting weeds in the summer rain

But beware of memories for they can be tricky.
Or so she warned me.

Of course, Patricia was always concrete with her lessons to me
Being an engineer of sorts
Trained to build structures and systems
rather than feelings and emotions

Stop chasing old friendships. Nameless Lovers. Faded photographs.
Faces and places that was once important to you.
It is necessary you see -
to close doors so you can open new ones.
to close chapters so you can start another
she reminded me over and over
among the bright and blinding lights of UST campus.

And it was only when she left, I realized
that I wanted to spend my whole life with her.
That I wanted to spend an eternity with the time - keeper's daughter.

Then again eternity was never a problem with the one -
who watches over the seasons
who watches over the ever changing tide of men

who knew how wild a passionate kiss can be -
and how it can dissipate like smoke
like water
like dust

So I simply made an oath with the stars that night,
with the flickering candles and the summer rain -
to wait for patricia - my patricia
wait until her heart is ready
wait even when time and season
and the tides of men
no longer exists -

Hoping that when the all these wretchedness ceases,
I will be worthy of your love.

It was the worst headache of his life.

And he came to me in a dazzling display of pain, anguish and uncontrollable rage. Like the travesty of losing your own mind, the travesty of having an unstoppable bleed moving through the crevices of your brain is enough to make anybody seem crazy.

It was 7pm and as I was going to my usual rounds at the ambulatory care in the Philippine General Hospital when I met him. A 75 year old male who has been drinking for sometime when it happened: a headache so profound he seemed like he was losing his mind, described of course perfectly by Adams textbook as "the worst headache of his life".

So I stood looking at him trying to dissect him, identify the other symptoms and enumerate the differentials, browsing through what I learned in neurology, anesthesia and psychiatry when it hit me - it was subarachnoid hemmorhage at its most profound presentation.

I was lucky, I thought at first. Not all physicians will be able to see what I just witnessed. Recognizing the symptom before the diagnostics and the laboratories.

CT Scan confirmed finding of a subarachnoid hemmorhage probably from the tip of the basilar artery to explain the massive involvement.

Nice, I thought. Then halfway through transfering the patient and following him up at the Neurosurgery ICU, I remembered the epiphanies, the lessons and all the other whatnot's that made me want to become a physician.

For before the oaths and the unbearable responsibility, I wanted to become a physician because I wanted to alleviate pain and suffering.

Referred to ACU, Neurosurgery. Scheduled for aneurysmal clipping.

And hopefully with this small token, I would have done my share in alleviating his unbearable and indescribable experience.