It started with one passionate kiss in AbS-CbN.
And I didn't know until it hit me. That she was my lifelong dream.
The one great love I was suppose to possess.

Listen to me. Talking about possessions.
I found it fascinating that I can be dramatic and flamboyant
That I can write about her like I understood her
For although she shared her body to me, she was never mine.

She already belonged to someone else.

Of course I could have fought for her. Stole her.
Like Paris and Helen cavorting in the middle of the night.
Away from Meneleus. Away from those pathetic laws that binds us.
But I could never again covet another man's wife.

It is a sin. A sin punishable by the Almighty.

So I let her go again. Like those butterflies
Like those seraphims and cherubs.
Like those mango passion fruits.
Like all my other addictions

Even when it hurts. Even when my heart seem to break into a million different pieces
Knowing that the great almighty will reward me -
In due time. With a love so beautiful even the angels will envy me.

It was a lazy monday morning when I decided to go to Philippine Medical Association (PMA) to fix the CME points our organization has been trying to add. While arguing with the secretary on when I will be having the result of my CME points accreditation, I got a call from Dr. Primy Chua, the adviser of AMDA and past president of PMA. It seems that PMA was also holding their 105th foundation day that exact day I was there and so he invited me to join him.

I agreed almost in an instant.

And it was captivating. All the people I had the priviledge of knowing were brilliant and I guess, still interesting after all these years. The President made a passionate speech on how he wanted to make PMA relevant to the present crop and his aspirations were even more laudable. There's the indigent clinic wherein PMA members can now avail of the basic Xrays and blood exams annually and there is also a fund that he spearheads which are suppose to benefit us when we become old. Although his thrust is making sure we are protected, he wanted to make sure that we get the benefits while we are still active members of society. He also wanted to make the membership compulsory for all practicing physicians.

It is interesting because for the past few years, we haven't heard anything substantial from them except of course the Teri Hatcher incident. And I guess it's about time they make PMA relevant to us.

There are really hard core issues we as doctors need to address. The generics bill, remnants of the Malpractice bill, the reproductive health bill, the food supplements which seem to appear rampant in our healthcare system and the perennial question of "why the hell should I stay in the philippines when I can earn more money in australia?"

The PMA has its shortcomings I guess but in their defense, they are doing their job to the best of their abilities. I use to complain that their not doing anything but now it seems that the challenge should not be just in them but in all of us physicians. That as members of the healthcare community, we be more up front, be more strong, and be more assertive in dealing as well as in demanding our rights as physicians and as human beings.

This is the third time we made love -
I know, it's pathetic for a guy to keep scores
But it seems that is the only way I can keep in touch with her.

She is a radio technologist from the new world
And she has many lovers. Many songs in her name.

For she can inspire and she can also drive men mad
Like children of the moon. Like children of the damned

So I took all her clothes and hid it from her
That one night in my bed
To remind her that I am in control

To humiliate her.

But she could not be humiliated
Could not be reviled. Could not be shamed

For her innocence was endless
Like the moon. Like the damned

So I simply held her in my arms
Thanked the gods that I had another night with her
Keeping in mind that among all other things

She is also a hunter
Like her sisters

Like all men
Like me

I've forgotten how to write you know
But it seems I cannot leave PGH without writing about you
About the people who worship you
and about the people who believe in you

You see shadows have never been my element
For I used to believe in the light
But try as I may, the light betrayed me
The same way the darkness did

So I searched for other colors. Other shades.
Other hues. And I found you.
I found you in that small room in OPD Ultrasound
Playing with your curls
Playing with your hands

You made me believe that there was more to the shadows
That the world can be seen through them
That the shadows can be beautiful

Even when eyes can no longer see
Or hearts can no longer remember