When I was still very young, I was fortunate enough to be included in the list
of participants for an acting workshop in QC WildLife Park. Back then, I'd like to believe that
I was still cute enough to be included in StarCircle Quest. I was wrong.
So when one of my friends Dana invited me to Wildlife park, I was a little hesistant. First because I knew the place was crawling with wannabes and second, well I'm not really good with animals.
Then again knowing Dana, she probably just needed someone to talk to so I went.
4 pm. I'm here where are you? 415 pm. Where are you again? 430 pm. I waited and waited. And just when I was about to give up, she came. With those emerald eyes, she still manages to soothe me even when she was very late. You looked great, she said. And just like that, everything was perfect.
Dana just happened to be on a break. Her last relationship soured and she needed guidance as usual. She also got hospitalized recently for a neck injury and had many more mishaps. And what's even worst is the fact that she feels she's so alone. No family to share with, no one to talk with.
Alone. Wow. I've had a lot of encounters with people who think they are alone. When I face myself in the mirror I see one more.
But the good part in being alone is that there's solitude in it, I keep telling her that.
We started walking across the little lake in QC Wildlife talking about past relationships
and the crazy things we used to do together.
We played, like little children again. New to the world around us and ever happy for knowing that once in afternoon sky, we realized we did not need anybody to be happy.
"Why did I not leave?", she asked me that countless times.
It was because when I was in the brink of losing my sanity, you rescued me.
You told me it was okay.
Now it's my turn to tell you that it's okay.
It's okay Dana. I'm here.

your lips still torture me Bea.
like bEautiful rose petals
slowly geNtly
opEning my innocence

i wanteD so much to take you
ravage you.
keep you In my arms.
and never let you go.

be mine.
forever
and ever.

i desire you bea
those alabaster cheeks and
porcelain face
my princess
from the land of the rising sun

torture me again
with those soft Kisses
Tiny drops of heaven

make me forget who i am
what i came here to do
make me forget my promise

so that i may remember once more
what it feels
to walk barefoot
to walk naked

without surrender

The thing with studying at Starbucks is that every now and then you get free drinks for new products they are endorsing. And if you're very friendly with the barista's, you get additional muffins with that. So there I was enjoying my freebies when suddenly out of nowhere, A, the vermin who stole my first girlfriend and B, my exgf, came. What was even disgusting was the fact that they were still together after all these years. Whatever happened to Karma? To Jesus Christ and the apostles? Was I not better than A when it comes to sex?
Damn it, I prayed they would both rot in hell and I never got my wish.
Then just like that all the floodgates of hell opened. I had to get out. Scream and well, kick him in the ass. But my body would not permit such an attitude.
She saw me, I think. Waved. She said hi. I missed you. She said she was getting married. I don't really remember the rest because halfway through the conversation I started to have vertigo.
So I simply held her hand and said Congratulations. Took my MP4 and pretended to listen to Olivia Newton John's Xanadu.

A place... where nobody dare to go... the love that we came to know... They call it Xanadu...

She's more beautiful now than last I saw her. And let's face it, they're both good looking people. They belong together.

The love... the echoes of long ago... you needed the world to know... they are in xanadu...

Then suddenly in that picture perfect moment, my favorite barista slipped. Forever played in slow motion, I will never forget when the entire dulce the leche flew, and landed flat on their face.

...now that I'm here... Now that your near... In xanadu...

I never liked white chocolates. There's something superficial in it. I mean chocolates should be
the same as cacao--brown like its seed. Still since I was never the type to pass on free food, I tried one for thesis sake. I have to warn you though because I haven't been the same since.
White chocolates have a lingering taste. Much like mint, it stays with you and plays with your tongue. Until the very last bite when you begin to realize that you can't get enough of it.
I met Janine the same day I tried White Chocolate Mocha. After the initial awkward moment, she shared her story to me. And that was the rub. She made me laugh until I could no longer contain myself. She made me happy in such a brief moment that I don't think I can ever be happy. So full of life, I realized how old, serious and lonesome I have become. I can't even be happy about the beautiful summer rain that drenches the earth in mid-afternoon.
Janine. I still can't describe her. She defies the thesaurus. I don't think there is even a word that resembles how incredible she is. Even her body is a masterpiece. A work of art. Every niche tells a story as she tells you over and over again, through her small gestures, the curves in her body and the gentle gaze that makes you believe anything is possible.

A few months ago, I went to a singles party with some of my friends. I'm just saying it was
a singles party to make my life more interesting but it was really a birthday party. I didn't have a good time but I was introduced to this lovely lady M. And boy was she hot. I think everyone in the room wanted her so it came as a surprise when she asked for my number. She was a goddess and here she is asking for my number. Whatever it was that I did in my past life must have been really good. Anyway we had a good time one after another until the day when we started hanging out as friends.
It was weird. One day you see someone as hot and the next day you see them as a friend. You start having friendly talks. I never had a good time afterwards.
So I resolved to stop having friends and keep only what is worth keeping.

Van Gogh had an attitude I always wanted to emulate. When he was in love with
a prostitute, he gave her his most priced possession, his index finger.
The poor girl probably never survived the shock. But then knowing schizophrenia as I do
now, it was a wonderful gesture. A soul trying to give something animate so as to make sense
of the madness that was before him. I like Van Gogh's paintings--Starry starry night, scream, and sunflowers. I like it so much because the paintings scare me. I look at it and halfway I start to feel as if someone was watching me with the paintings. Multiple personalities are so passe these days. So when Coffemaker, a long time friend/artiste/Van Gogh follower invited me to his despedida party, I reluctantly agreed. The next question was where was he going?
Cafe 77 was the name of the cafe the party was set. Somewhere in kamuning, it was a quaint and weirdly nonchalant place. Wine bottles in the corner and it had a peaceful eerie feeling, much like looking at starry starry night. It was also then that Coffemaker announced that he had a show in NYC and he's about to go to the states. Wow. NYC. Art Exhibit. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap.
I always wanted to see an honest to goodness art exhibit. Though I've never seen Coffemaker's work, I knew it was going to be a blast. I mean he loves Van Gogh. He used to have this weird afro hair and he used to scare little schoolchildren. So GooDlUcK DeaR frIEnd...

I wEnt to mAkati med today to get rid of my zit. Why makati med instead of St. Luke's?
It was actually because my longtime friend J is now taking a residency
in dermatology and i get to have dermabrasion for a very cheap price.
So aRmed with my 500 bucks, I went out that evening. I was about to board the jeep
when I realized how incredibly clear the night sky was.
So clear I can actually see The constellation of the hunter Orion.
Yes, i know a little of astronomy in college. In comes in handy when you want to impress a date. It's easy to see in a clear night and the story is so tragic that trust me, you'll probably
get laid that night. I know I did.
It is so easy to fall in love and be lost in a passionate embrace, I told myself.
Enter J.
She has been in a relationship with a guy for 10 years and just when I was so sure
that they would end up in the altar, they ended up in an altar alright but it was an altar where the Incas performed virgin sacrifices. And that's just the beginning.
Then there were death threats and lawyers and halfway I realized her life would have put MeLrOse PlAcE to shame.
She met someone now though. Better. Her life was better now
without the controversy and the death threats. She lives simply among the ruins
of past heartaches and old majestic tombstones that once reminded her
of long forgotten kisses.
In a way, I envy her. She finally found her place with the starS.

It was one of those crazy nights. Like alabaster.
When the moon rages,
and the cicada's song breaks the still night
When I met Bea.
Bea. She was a beautiful princess.
From the land of the rising sun.
She blinded me.
We talked like children of the moon
Pretending to understand the world around us.
Pretending to make sense
amidst ronald mcdonald, sTarBucks and Nims island.
Until I saw something. a spark of hope. Of happiness.
She would have been perfect, in another time, another place.
If my heart was not smitten.
If I did not have other less important things in mind.
If I didn't want to conquer the world.
So I did what normal guys do.
Pretend. Pretend to be in love. Pretend to be happy. Pretend to know.
But she can she can see right through me.
You see, she's also been there.
So I kissed her.
I wanted to believe it was possible. Love was possible.
But I could not make it real.
She left and I stood transfixed knowing that I could have had something beautiful,
something extraordinary.
But I was not ready.
She was not the One.

It was a horrifying experience.
Seeing the love of your life walk in front of you
and asking you of how you have been lately.
I tried to act cool, to the point of irritating.
Unfortunately, all the words that came out of my mouth
induced nausea.
I was busy asking few of my buddies about tips on passing the board exam and USMLE
when I was approached by a familiar site--a beautiful girl talking to a barista.
Half a glance later, I realized, it was the love of my life.
I tumbled, like an animal trying to escape. I wanted to find the nearest comfort room.
Then she faced me. With eyes that still send shivers down my spine
she called my name. Louell.
I couldn't face her. Proceeded to ignore her. But she was persistent. Louell.
Hi. I think I may have replied.
I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I was awed. I was flabbergasted. I had diarrhea.
She finally got the idea and left. I was told later by my friends
that I was mean--that I shouldn't treat people like that.
I had no excuse except that I was high on caffeine.
Then again how do I tell her that life was beautiful because I met her?
That she was the dawn breaking my lonely night.
That my life will never be complete without her.
That I still believe I can make her happy.
I really do not know.

After finishing medicine, you tell yourself you had to start living your life. But how do you start knowing that 10 years of it has already been slashed? When most of your classmates and friends are either married, happy, or have moved on?
You stare at those newspapers and you start reading blogs.
You go to Egypt and hope that the experience will somehow make you feel alive again. And for a time it does.
Travel has a way of keeping your spirit soar to new heights.
Dance like there is no tomorrow.
Then reality bites.
You think about residency and careers.
You think and you start becoming the obsessive compulsive human being you were during internship.
You move a lot. Moonlight. USMLE. AMC.
And then life changes again.
Like pediatric milestones.
And just when you thought you've learned enough, life begins teaching you again.

It happened one day. With the summer heat literally causing massive heatstroke, the electricity in manila disappeared for about an hour and a half. For about and hour and a half, I understood what Dante decribed as the stages of Hell. Half asleep, I dragged my sorry ass to the nearest airconditioned place with a generator, which in my case was our school library.
I always loved our school library. It was always cool, tranquil and most of the doctors who go there are either studying for their exams or just trying to catch that nice power nap. It was however different today. There was also no electricity. No electric fan. Nothing that spells Benjamin Franklin could have invented worked.
Later I heard, there was also no electricty as far as caloocan and pasay were concerned.
I had to scream at somebody.
So I decided to call meralco.
Ring.
No answer.
Ring.
Again there was no answer.
What the F*ck. I was so hot and I was still sleep deprived.
I had to do something.
Then I realized no one was going to answer me.
I cannot do anything. So I just stopped.
What is happening to our country?
To our environment?
To the world?
To me.
Third World angst?

Gorell had 101 things to expose about Philippine High Society
I think I have 1 million things to say about what's wrong with this country.
As a matter of fact, I don't think I'm the only one who has that 1 million things bottled up.
I tried asking the balut vendor that night.
Unfortunately, he had 1 million more things to say.

Sun.Star: Meralco seeks power rate hike
04/02/2008 09:54 PM

MANILA, Philippines - The Manila Electric Company on Wednesday filed a petition before the Energy Regulatory Commission for a provisional authority of P0.1938 per
kilowatt-hour(kWh) rate increase for the second regulatory period covering July 1, 2008, to June 30, 2009.In a disclosure, Meralco said the adjusted charges of P1.3607 per kWh from P1.1669 per kWh is already included in the under-recoveries of the rates they filed on their first regulatory period from July 1, 2007, to June 30, 2008, which is still pending for implementation.According to Meralco, the P0.15/kWh in the adjusted rates in their maximum average price for 2009 could be attributed to correction factors related to adjustments of under-recoveries of revenues.